well. august 31. my deadline. i'm just really getting started. the music will probably not be what you expect then again with me you probably do. i'm not sure how much more i need to record but i will have a good bit of mixing to finish it properly. it has been a long terrible ride. like a roller coaster from hell. i have beaten myself into a mess. locked in a room for 3 months. i only know three people here, and i don't talk much to them. i'm always in my head. i'm always in some other place doing some other thing. that's always the way it is with me, i'm always on the next page. there are so many things to learn and to see its hard for me to sit still. life is a limitless box of candy and i have a huge sweet tooth. i doesn't sit well with most, my obsession looks like a curse. they cant understand why i do what i do. they don't see the beauty in shadows, they need something more solid to attach themselves to. but we love things because they go away, if they stick around they become furniture. loneliness seems to be the most common limit that people put on their experience here, "when it gets lonely i'm getting off". but lonely is one of my favorite feelings. right up there with melancholy in feelings that cut you right down to where you breath. "loneliness is the way in which nature endeavors to lead a man to himself." say no more. the days pass and i run myself around in maddening circles. i pace and stomp all around my little attic room begging for something to come. some bit of light through the window so that i can attach some music to it and send it on to you. it comes but only when you don't wait for it. the cosmic toaster only pops when you turn your head, when your caught in that momentary distraction that tricks the guard.... but i'm not worried anymore, well not as much. things are coming and i am happy so ill stay until it feels right to go and ill continue this effort until i am satisfied that it is true.