appropriately enough my first 48 hours in alabama were spent hugging a toilet...my body decided to force me to stop and deal with the fact that i was lying on my back again in bama...its not the end i tell myself over and over again. "where do we go from here the words are coming out all weird where are you now when i need you..." montgomery has a strange effect on people...it takes them under...the deep purple smell of wisteria and count backwards from ten...suddenly you find yourself awake with an small transmitter implanted in the back of you mind that constantly blinks "montgomery" and it takes years outside for the batteries to die down... many of my dearest people are here they have grown to understand the blink and learn from it. i babble in my conversations with them...i have forgotten how to talk. these words that i tap into my computer have become my best communication. here i can somewhat follow the stream of thought. but i must tell all of you that these writings are the cliff notes to what has really gone on in the past 6 months of my life. i stand in silence with people i know and love because i cannot express to them what i have seen, done, and want so badly to share. it is truly beyond words as cliché as it sounds but you must go there or have been there to understand. how do explain the feeling that you get when your most happy or freshly in love? now spread that feeling out over 6 months and understand why i cannot return to living in a box, worrying about whether or not my car is cooler and if not, can i afford a new one. life is happening, even as we speak out there everywhere. there are winds blowing messages that are going unheard because we want to be thought of as respectable by other miserables who want the same. life is a dream. there are scientist right now who are proving that what we perceive of life is just a hologram created nowhere else but our own mind...who controls the mind controls the universe... think about that... $13000 in the hole. no job. no house. no wife or 2.5. some would say no life." where do we go from here"...i don't know, but as you can see, i'm not stopping... adamantly,